A friend recently experienced having a co-worker fired for what sounded like valid reasons even if the actual process of dismissal might not have been handled as well as it could have been. In the description of events that led up to the parting of ways, it seemed to be a classic case of an individual who played fast and loose with the truth at a minimum and quite possibly sprinkled in some lies along the way. Don’t get me wrong – the, “Yes, I’ll get right on that,” when what you mean is, “I’ve got more important things to do and I’ll take care of it when I’m good and ready,” is the sort of thing that most of us have done in a work setting. Claiming that you never saw a request for something when what you really did was set it aside and forgot about it gets a little “fuzzier” when it comes to differentiating between truth and lies. The harsh reality though is that there are people in the workplace who are out-and-out liars and while it often catches up with them, that’s not a given. Indeed, some of them benefit from their lies and are greatly rewarded, which is why other people will perhaps find other work rather than continue in an environment like that.

As I’ve discussed in previous posts, there are honest mistakes and perceptions/perspectives can depart from actual facts. Then there is the very human trait of not wanting to admit being wrong. The first time I encountered a person who routinely lied, I chalked it up to one of the above. After all, this was a professional, intelligent individual. It was difficult to believe that other motive was at play, but it also didn’t take too long for me to learn to carefully document any transactions that I had with the individual and to preferably have conversations with at least one other person present. Fortunately our work overlap was of relatively short duration. It was one of those unpleasant, but important life lessons.

Serious content alert! I try to stay away from politics in this blog. I completely agree that medical costs are absurd in this country, but what I also know is that there is a lot of blame to go around for that. We do need reforms, although they need to be rationale reforms and that means all sorts of groups being willing to admit the responsibility that they share and being willing to look for sensible answers. That, however, is not the actual subject of this post. The subject is how much money you need for your “old age”.

I do not go into that specifically in my book, Your Room at the End: Thoughts About Aging We’d Rather Avoid, but I do touch on it. None of us – none, want to believe that we will need to go into an assisted living facility (ALF). And in some case, it isn’t necessary. There’s no question that staying in your own home is generally better emotionally than being in an ALF. However, planning to stay in your own home comes with a number of drawbacks and if you reach a stage where it is physically unsafe, your options shrink considerably. So, finding out the cost of an ALF well before you need one and deciding which one you would be willing to go into is an important first step. Then you calculate a specified number of years that you might be in the ALF and that becomes the planning factor for your “old age”. The number is likely to be startling since most ALFs are a minimum of $2,000/month and easily range from $3-5,000 depending on location and services. If you own your own home, planning to sell that to fund moving into an ALF is fine, but there needs to be a “transition” time since the house may not sell right away. The other unfortunate reality is that the proceeds from the house might not bring as much as anticipated.

This brings me to the subject of long term care insurance. Medicare and normal health insurance does not – that means does not – cover long term care costs. The issue with long term care insurance is that you have to very carefully look at what you pay and what you get in return. The earlier you take out the insurance, the lower the premiums are, but what if you pay all those premiums and never need the care? If you wait until you’re older, the premiums jump significantly. It is unquestionably a gamble and as tedious as it is to “read the fine print”, you really need to do so before making a decision about this kind of insurance. However, it can be worth every penny spent depending on your situation.

A reverse mortgage is another option that only works in certain circumstances. That, though, I’ll save for another post.

Serious content alert. Okay, if you haven’t dealt with this yet, you are fortunate. If you don’t have aging parents or you don’t have children, then it may not apply. For many, many people though, one of the most difficult things that you will face is the realization that your parent/parents should no longer be driving. I don’t deal in much detail with that in my book, Your Room at the End: Thoughts About Aging We’d Rather Avoid. However, it is draining on multiple levels. I’ll use my uncle as an example. My grandfather, bless his heart, got to the point where he was an absolute menace on the road. Fortunately, they lived in a small town and people knew to get out of his way. My uncle despaired of what to do as all suggestions to hand over his keys were met with staunch denial of a problem. A health issue finally resolved it, but there was still an undercurrent of resentment at the loss of independence. That same uncle, however, when it was he who should no longer drive was just as adamant as my grandfather had been that his son (my cousin) was wildly exaggerating about why he should hand over the keys.

My father and I do not always agree on everything, although most of that belongs in the past. He had already cut back on driving – nothing at night and nothing outside of their small town. Still, there was concern. The fact that he had lost sight in one eye was part of it, but that wasn’t all. And thankfully, within a very short time of voluntarily moving to an assisted living place, he determined that if it wasn’t safe for them to be in a house alone any longer, that was probably also a good time to give up driving. May you all be so lucky.

Whining Alert! I do not get sick – I am the strong one, the one who comes through for other people. I pop some OTC medications, boost my Vitamin C intake, and yes, I am driven into the doctor’s office maybe once every 18 months, but I bounce back. I do not lag, ineffective for almost three weeks. Except, this cold that developed into bronchitis has smacked into me like a “I could have had a V-8 moment”. I’m not in my forties or even fifties, and despite being in very good health for my age – it isn’t the same thing. Aside from the fact that I haven’t physically felt well, not being quickly back on my feet is what has taken me by surprise. So, it’s one of those times when I need to heed my own advice. “Oh, don’t push yourself – it will set back your recovery.” Or, “Just take it easy for a few more days.” Then there’s, “These things take longer to get over as we get older.” I say all of this sincerely to friends and now that it’s my turn, it doesn’t make the advice any less applicable.

I will also use it as a valuable lesson learned though in keeping an eye on certain symptoms that I ignored this go-round. And next flu season it may be time to get the shot as well as that for pneumonia. The reason I don’t usually bother with it is because when we were in the military, flu shots were mandatory except for a couple of assignments I had and the mix of me getting the flu without or without the shot was about fifty-fifty. In fact, a very long time ago in taking microbiology, the prof explained that for the vulnerable population (under six and over sixty), flu shots were a good idea and between those ages, it tended to not have much impact. Oh yeah, I’ve tipped over that mark. So, at the moment it’s time for another dose of cough medicine along with my dose of reality. All right, thus ends the whining.