Category Archives: When Real Life Interferes

Food as a Career….

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Cook at a popular local BBQ restaurant.

In the last post I wrote about lawn care and landscaping as a good example of how someone could start with virtually nothing and move up through a series of steps to build a substantial business. Another example is a career in food preparation and the culinary world. It too, is a hard business with a lot of competition, yet again, a field where the entry level can lead to great things or you can find a comfortable spot in between.

I’ve done a number of restaurant stories for the local weekly paper, with a view to the story of how the restaurant started rather than simply as a review of the food and atmosphere. In addition, I recently became aware of a local adult education program that is really quite comprehensive. It is made even more so because the woman who is in charge of the program understands that in the food world, your background matters far less than your passion and willingness to work hard. And hard work it is. There’s no question about that. And yet, if you talk to a lot of people who own or manage restaurants, see how many of them started out bussing tables and washing dishes.

Even the celebrity chefs who have cooking shows, books, go on tour – yes, they got some incredible breaks along the way, but a number of them did not attend a prestigious culinary school initially. And many of them who own restaurants keep an eye open for employees who show the desire to move up within the culinary world. They often take employees who start out in an entry level, see the promise of a chef-to-be, and either mentor the individual or provide other training.

The big chain restaurants and even a lot of fast food chains usually have management trainees programs for employees that demonstrate interest and work ethic.  And while flipping burgers in a fast food place may not be glamourous, it can definitely be a building block. Aside from restaurants, there are the tens of thousands of “cafeteria ladies”, people who work in food preparation for schools, hospitals, and other institutions. The point of the adult education program that I am talking about is that food preparation and culinary arts can be an entry level career when you are starting out, or as a later career. It is something to consider if you are, or someone who know, is  at a crossroads.

 

A Local Adult Education Center runs a Food Preparation and Culinary Arts Program where students learn not only about food, but also how to set up and manage a restaurant.

 

 

A Story of Faith, Talent, and Hard Work…..

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No, I don’t mean faith as in a specific religion, but rather faith in the concept of hard work combined with talent. In this particular case, it is gymnastic ability. We have a  young man here who made the U.S. Olympic team over the weekend after having progressed through winning medals in a number of different national and world-wide competitions. It is breathtaking to watch him on the rings, the bars, and even his floor routines are strong, but it is the backstory that is especially intriguing. I haven’t asked permission to use the names in the post, so I’ll simply tell the story.

The young man’s mother and stepfather, both nationally rated gymnasts, fled Cuba when the child was very young. They were not people of means and came here seeking what so many others do – a dream. They worked at building a new life, the stepfather taking jobs in a car wash and in fitness centers, always with the fervent hope of owning his own training gym someday. Not surprisingly, the child did show talent that they carefully nutured. The couple managed to scrape together the funds to open a gym as they wanted and made their goal quite simple. They would provide instruction and the opportunity for youngsters to reach for national and world championships, for the Olympics. When you find this tucked away studio, it doesn’t compare to a powerhouse university, but hanging against the back wall is a huge banner depicting the Olympic rings; a goal that every single student is told is attainable. Not every student has the talent of course, nor is every student willing to put in the hours and hours of work required to hone their skills to that level. Many of the students, however, have won regional awards, and others have taken national prizes. And now, it has happened, one of their own will travel to London to compete on the U.S. Olympic team.

When the weekly paper that I write for was told of the story by a parent whose child trains at the studio, I had the pleasure of going to speak with the young man and the stepfather immediately prior to a major competition that was a stepping stone to the Olympic trials. In the course of the interview, the stepfather smiling dismissed the people who told him his dreams of creating Olympic champions was foolish. Heart, faith, hard work, and a good teacher was his formula; a formula that he offers to each student that comes through his door.

I don’t know how the young man will fare at the Games, but I wish him well. Even if he doesn’t bring home a medal, he has already attained a goal that only a small percentage of athletes ever do.

 

Self Awareness Does Not Have to Include Public Disclosure…..

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I have a longer post that I will do one of these days about the subject of self-awareness, but I was in a conversation yesterday that reminded me of this basic point that I used when I taught a freshman college class in Self Awareness/Personal Development. Not to misrepresent myself academically, that was in my ROTC instruction days when I held the position of an Assistant Professor of Military Science. The title really just means that you’re assigned to an ROTC department, although most colleges and universities do want you to have a Master’s Degree. I did have thoughts of pursuing a PhD during that assignment, but that’s an entirely different subject.

Back to the point that I made in class of there being tremendous value in developing self-awareness. You cannot effectively make changes in your life if you are not aware of why you do the things that you do. Now, you may not wish to make any changes, but you cannot make that determination either until you have a grasp of your own personality, desires, strengths, and weaknesses. In the exploration of yourself, it is often useful and sometimes necessary to seek assistance in doing so. However, in discussions with others, you may indeed have an “Aha!” moment then, or it may occur later in the privacy of your own thoughts. Those moments that yield this important understanding does not require that you share the insight with anyone, although you may choose to do so. The recognition may be so deeply personal that you don’t want to share, and there is no overriding reason is that you should. A major element of genuine self-awareness is that you don’t require validation from someone else to recognize a truth about yourself. Granted, you may want another individual’s feedback, but that is not the same thing as needing the feedback.

Now, is there a nuance between truth and perception when it comes to self-awareness? There certainly can be, but that, too is the subject for another post.

 

 

Spenders and Savers…..

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Okay, this is a different type of post from the past several days, but it’s something on my mind because of a conversation over lunch the other day with regard to substituting a vacation due to leaner economic times. My friend’s plan for a cruise has given way instead to renting a condo in a popular beach town. They will also rent one a mile in from the beach because that will save them another 20%. As my friend explained, they were going to get a great price on the cruise, but when you add up all the other expenses that are involved – the drinks, excursions, etc., that put it out of reach of what they wanted to spend. And sure, you don’t have to buy extra stuff on the cruise, but that’s part of the fun and why put yourself in a position where you have to keep saying, “no”? The interesting part was that she acknowledged they technically could afford the cruise with the additional expenses, but since her husband’s job included compensation from commissions, they were trying to build a little more cushion into savings. While his overall commissions have been fairly steady, it is unpredictable and they will probably need to replace one of their cars within the next six months.

That put us into a discussion about spenders versus savers and how “hidden expenses” can easily trip people up. A number of magazine and on-line articles have hints for cutting expenses and most of them  start with that – the fact that we so often don’t really know what things costs. Brown bagging lunch is a great example that usually saves money and can also be healthier if you are in a situation where brown bagging is practical.

Then there is the refrain that many of us are familiar with of, “But I bought it on sale, so look how much money I saved.” While that is true, the “savings” is only true if it is something that you needed to buy to start with. And this is where the definition of “need” and “want” come into play. That dress/top/pair of shoes is something you can use, but do you need it? Well, who doesn’t? Except that maybe you don’t. I enjoy spending more than saving,and I am a big believer in supporting the economy, yet there are times when I decide that window shopping is a better idea. And one of the points about savings is if you have a specific goal like, “This is for the new car”, as opposed to, “I ought to save,” it can make it more emotionally palatable. Most of us know we ought to save more, but it does require a degree of discipline that we can have trouble exercising. That’s why using automatic deposits for 401K/IRA or even just a savings account can be a good approach. Again, I realize that a lot of people are in situations right now where they truly can’t save, but if you haven’t reviewed your financial plan lately, maybe it’s time to take a look.

Sweeter Sixty……

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A friend has that 60th birthday coming up, the one of so very many jokes and often a fair amount of trepidation. My sister has passed that milestone and I’ll be knocking on the door before too long. You can’t help but reflect as you look at that, knowing logically that you have reached a stage in your life that you perhaps only vaguely knew you would. After all, as a child your grandparents were sixty. I mean, really, your grandparents! And if you have children, you may now be the grandparent.

Each person decides on their own whether they wish to embrace aging, fight it with cosmetics/other procedures, deny it, allow it to be a stressor, be puzzled by it, or a combination of any of the above. In keeping with the whole, “How did I get here?”, view of turning sixty, I wrote a poem a few years ago for another friend’s birthday. I don’t do poetry for other than special occasions now, but for all of you out there at, or near the Sixtieth birthday, I offer these words:

Sweeter Sixty

Sweet sixteen has long past                                                                                              A twinkle of time though                                                                                                   To bring sixty sweeter still.                                                                                            The years of learning, of giving,                                                                                       Of finding love fleeting in youth,                                                                                        Of becoming the person you are.                                                                                    How precious the understanding                                                                                   That tears spent forged strength,                                                                                   And wisdom is not quickly had.                                                                                       We touch our glasses to toast you                                                                                   To celebrate this, our salute  to                                                                                   Living life in all its richness.

 Charlie Hudson

Mentoring Opportunities…..

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I know that if you don’t have children, you sometimes think that you wouldn’t be able to connect with adolescents or teens. However, the dreams and concerns for today’s youth aren’t so very different than they have ever been. Certain societal and economic issues may be different, but not the fundamental emotions that drive us – the questions like, “Why are some people born lucky and others into terrible situations?”; “What if I’m never popular?”; “Why should I bother with more school?”, etc.,.

The point is that for many youth, what they need is a mature adult who does realize you get through life’s tough times, and that doesn’t not necessarily have to be someone who is a parent. This is especially true of teens in foster home situations who are going to “age out”. In many states, 18 or completion of high school, is legally the point of departure from foster care. But if you think about the background of those who are placed in foster care, they may not be socially or emotionally equipped at 18 to be out on their own, and perhaps another year or two of mentoring will make the difference in them succeeding or falling into poor life choices that reflect the dysfunctional homes that caused them to be placed into the foster system in the first place. There are organizations that address this specific aspect of foster care and if you have ever considered becoming a mentor, it is something to look into.

 

 

Family Histories and Memoirs…….

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Among my other endeavors, I thoroughly enjoy guest speaking – big group, small group, doesn’t matter. I have a page on my website, http://charliehudson.net that lists the primary topics I speak to, and one of them is “Everyone Has a Story: Creating Family Histories and Memoirs”. While I have always had an interest in family history, it was really brought home to me during the period when I was coping with my first mother-in-law’s health crises that ended in her death and the settling of the estate. That experience, was of course, the background for my book, Your Room at the End: Thoughts About Aging We’d Rather Avoid, and in Part 2 of the book, I have a section about writing your family history or memoirs.

As a quick differentiation, capturing the family history may be guided by one person, but it is likely to involve multiple members of the family, whereas memoirs in general will be told by one or two people with perhaps input from others. Both are likely to contain old photos, maybe recipes, letters, etc., and perhaps portions from a professional geneaologist. The primary point that I make in my presentations is that in our mobile society, it is so easy to lose track of those stories and that as we (or whomever) in the family reaches later years, capturing those family memories and stories can be a wonderful project. Today’s technology and internet can be great resources and the project can be launched to coincide with a birthday, anniversary, family reunion, and so forth. One of the things that my father has mentioned (and even though he’s in good health for his age, he is having memory issues) is that when he was a boy, they didn’t have electricity or running water in the house. It existed, but not in the really rural areas and few people had vehicles. Think of the change between then and now from both a technology and availability perspective. Do you really think those are stories that should just disappear? And that is how I close the presentation. If you don’t capture these memories, who will? So, if you’re casting about for something interesting to do or have an older relative who is, this might be the time to get started.

Shingles And We Boomers…….

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Okay, any GenXer’s can chuckle, but I was reminded the other day about the reality of we Baby Boomers and outbreaks of Shingles. “Back in the day” there was no vaccine against chicken pox. It was a 3-5 day period of itching and threats from our mothers to not scratch or else face being scarred for life and if I recall correctly, sometimes you were supposed to stay in low light, but that might have been for the measels. Anyway, the accepted practice at the time was whenever a kid got chicken pox, any friends that hadn’t had it were sent over to “play” in order to catch it. The theory was that it wasn’t serious and the sooner you got over it the better because you were then immune. That was correct in so far as that went, and few kids suffered complicaitons. After the chicken pox vaccine came out, no one even thought about it. We certainly never thought that the pesky chicken pox virus would remain dormant inside us to potentially pop out as Shingles beginning at or around 60. Another of life’s little ironies.

My sister had a terrible, long lasting outbreak of Shingles a couple of years ago and one our neighbors is currently going through it. There is a vaccine and the general medical advise is for all Baby Boomers to have it, especially as we approach age 60. It is on my to-do list and I’ll drag my husband along or remind him the next time he has an appointment. We’re both in good health, but this is one of those things that really does have a simple fix that we shouldn’t procrastinate about. So, fellow and sister Boomers – Shingles vaccine – check into it.

Perspective and Anger….

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Most of us have flaws of one sort or the other and back in the days when I was involved in  “touchy-feeley” work, the popular term was “Self Defeating Behavoir”. That was an easy one for me to identify – anger. I do realize that I am not alone in this or there wouldn’t be an entire category now of “Anger Management”. As the Country and Western song says, “I’m not as good as I’m going to be, but I’m better than I used to be.” I have actually improved to at least some degree.

My husband, bless him, copes with my flaw better than anyone and has far more practice at it than he deserves, but that’s another discussion. The other day, I was not quite on a rant about a policy that was upsetting me, although I was working up to one and he gently interceded. His comment (more or less) was, “Think for a minute. You spent a career in the Army – you went by dumber rules than this. Put it into perspective.”

Ah yes, smack me on the forehead – he was correct. This was one of those things that I had lost perspective on and it was most assuredly an irritant, but not worth the level of emotion I was expending. It’s along the same lines as the “Count to Ten” method, but I had/have a habit of zipping through the “ten count” quickly and declaring it not to work. As much as I struggle though, I will say that the one place where I do practice delay is sticking an email into draft as a precaution. I genuinely think that a lot of irate ones go out because the “Send” button is too close to the “Draft”.

Anyway, I think that I am ready at this point to calmly express my concern (see, not the word outrage) about this particular policy and we shall see what becomes of it. And this is a case where I may not have all the information that I think I have and I discover that the policy does make sense. On the other hand, if it turns out that it really is a stupid policy set forth by some over-controlling bureaucrat who has no other way to feed his or her self-esteem except through the use of petty power, well then, we will see….

 

Long Distance Relationships, Romance or Avoidance?…..

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My husband and I still wonder occasionally if there was an element of fate to the fact that we arrived at the Army installation where we met only two months apart. That meant we would be in the same place for at least a year and probably longer. With our careers, it was easy to meet someone who was being assigned as you were leaving an assignment or vice-versa, so that you would have very little time to establish a relationship. He and I had both experienced that situation and since, as it turned out, we had several personal complications to navigate, we needed the time to acknowledge that our fairly instant attraction was of the sustainable variety. But to move on to the subject of long distance relationships.

The military is by no means the only mobile profession, and I have friends and acquaintances who are faced with trying to manage a long-distance relationship. Today’s technology of email, cell phones, and video calling certainly help with the ability to have pretty much daily communications, and no, I’m not about to get into the topic of sexting. There is no doubt that easier communication is important in trying to maintain a long distance relationship, especially when significantly different time zones are involved. An interesting aspect came up in a recent conversation and I was reminded of it when I was on my trip last week. The question was prefaced with the statement of, “Getting together during a long distance relationship usually equals a romantic interlude because it often lasts for no more than one to weeks,” followed by, “As much fun as that is, who can’t sustain a relationship if you’re only around each other for a week or two at a time?”

Ah, yes, that is a question to consider. Keeping the romance going in a long term relationship, whether marriage is involved or not, is the theme for a lot of talk and millions of articles/books. So, in the most common list of reasons for starting a long distance relationship – work/school/family obligations – is there also a preference for prolonged “newness”, to avoid losing the sense of excitement that can happen as you learn of one another’s habits and the routine of everyday contact? How about it readers out there – do you want to weigh in with your experience and opinions?