Category Archives: When Real Life Interferes

Making a Difference….

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Alert!, there is religious content in this post. Those who follow the blog know that I skirt politics and religion. However, there are times when social or cultural aspects “flow” into one of those areas and this is such a time.

Last weekend we went to St Petersburg for a combined business and pleasure trip, although in actuality even the “business” was quite pleasant. Friday night we met up with friends and were introduced to the delightful Gulfport restaurant/shopping section and had a wonderful discussion about maritime history and diving that will be the subject of a future post.

Saturday, I left husband at the hotel on whatever part of the Bay that was, to relax while I drove north to Largo. The Christ the King Lutheran Church in Largo has established a partnership with the Christian Outreach Center (COC) that: “Under the leadership of John and Brenda Grampsas, the “C.O.C.” is dedicated to sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ with children and their families in Pinellas County. Children develop a positive relationship with adults who care for them and ultimately with Jesus Christ as their Savior. The programs consist of a meal, game time, music, movie with popcorn, a Bible lesson told using puppets, skits and/or audio visuals, object lessons to reinforce the message”. (http://ctklc.org/about/christian-outreach-center)

The major fundraiser that they hold each year is a luncheon and quilt auction and that’s what I became involved in through a rather circuitous manner. With my entry into writing the American Quilter’s Society’s new line of books, the Helen Crowder Adventure Series, I am absorbing quilting information and attending this luncheon and auction gave me access to around 300 quilters. The day was, simply put, a lot of fun. I met some delightful women, saw incredible quilts, learned a number of things, and the positive energy in the room was uplifting. Brenda, as the main organizer and auctioneer, definitely had help and although I know from experience how much work these events are, it seemed to run smoothly. There were quilting clubs as well as individual quilters, crafters, and I suppose just regular people there for the fundraiser. Teens and perhaps adolescents who are in the COC helped serve the meal and I imagine helped with set-up and clean-up, and you couldn’t have asked for more polite, outgoing assistants. I don’t know how it was behind the scenes, but from a casual observer’s perecptive, the “kids” were great.

The fundraising part was successful, too, and if I attend next year, I’ll plan to bid on one of those lovely quilts they had available. I know, I know, I should have taken photos.

Year End Reflections……

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Poignancy warning. I am sitting in a quiet house, sipping coffee as my husband, son, and daughter-in-law sleep. In actuality, I slept late for me and so will have less quiet time to write this. I won Free Cell and have once again been defeated at the computer chess game, but that’s hardly surprising since I’m not that good a chess player. It’s funny that I just thought of the guy who taught me to play chess all those years ago. I think I’ll check on FB and see if I can find him.

We’re planning a festive evening with the menu that I posted earlier, the kids are going to the fascinating Monkey Jungle, and if Mother Nature doesn’t lay the wind down, we’ll have to rearrange furniture so we can seat eight people inside. (Poolside dining on New Year’s Eve is such a fun thing to do.)

All in all, it’s a good day, yet I’m struggling with something that I’ve avoided trying to clarify because as often happens, it is an uncomfortable issue. The old “seven deadly sins” pretty much sums up the foundation of many human ills, although it is the one of “envy” that’s causing my reflection. There is much to envy when we focus on the material world and we are very attuned to that for a variety of reasons. We combine that with wanting to present the “right image” and when we can’t necessarily obtain, or in some cases, sustain that, it gives rise to anger or sadness. We want to “blame someone” because we haven’t gotten what we think is “fair”, or feel sad because we can’t have something in particular. It’s good to have goals, ambitions, and dreams, and as I have written about before, I firmly believe in the saying of, “Man’s reach should exceed his grasp”. If you achieve one goal or dream, sure, go ahead and reach for another. In doing so though, are you forgetting to appreciate what you have? And is the goal or dream being driven mostly by the desire to be “better” than someone else rather than to be something for yourself or for someone you care about? Is envy at the root of whatever it is you want? As a die-hard capitalist, I’m all for the house, car, travel, etc., What I am not for is racking up crippling debt to have those things and being unable to either prioritize what you want to make appropriate trade-offs or to say, “No, sorry can’t afford that.” And no, I’m not talking here about that flash of envy where you look at your losing lottery ticket and think, “Man, why couldn’t that have been me?”. And are there greedy people out there (another of those seven deadly sins) who truly don’t seem to deserve the bounty they get? Yes, as there have been since mankind came into existence.

So as this year closes and a new year is upon us, here is hoping that you attain/keep those things that are genuinely important to you.

 

Traveling During the Holidays……

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It is winter. This means potential snow and ice and travel delays. Mother Nature, as we all know, tends to not be respectful of human plans when it comes to such things. People travel so that planes and other means of transport are full, highways get jammed and trips can become snarled. Here’s the thing. You will either eventually get to where you are supposed to go, or if you are on a particularly short schedule, you will determine that you can’t make the trip and cancel it. That’s what happens. It’s frustrating and disappointing and can sometimes be expensive. Pleading with Mother Nature and snarling at other people does not usually resolve the problem. Of course it can be difficult to maintain calm when you’re tired and watching your plans crumble, and yes, the additional cost of traveling over the holidays adds to that stress.

Here’s wishing you safe and smooth travels, but if you encounter problems, here is also hoping that you can take a deep breath or two and remember that you are not alone with the problem. If you roll in during the wee hours of Christmas Day, you are still there. If you are stuck somewhere and can only telephone and say you’ll be there the day after, or are calling it quits, the spirit that is Christmas surrounds those that will be thinking of you and can reach through cyberspace to give you a virtual hug.

Naturally, whether traveling or not, if you have some time on your hands and are looking for the heart-warming kind of story to read, I have three holiday-themed ones in the Short Story Archive of my website. Granted, Twelve Pack Trip is for Thanksgiving, but it’s the same sentiment. Draft With a Sprig of Mistletoe and A Misty Christmas are obviously for this time of year and one of these days I’ll get around to crafting a new one.

The Freedom of Education…..

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This is another of those posts that is not intended to be political in nature, but probably brushes up against that in some sense. Many years ago when I was working on my master’s degree, I took a course in the sociology of education as part of the Interdisciplinary program I was in (Organizational Development). Although I do not profess to be a teacher, I am a trainer at multiple levels and I have been involved in the training of literally hundreds of soldiers during my career. I have always had an interest in education and I recently joined a committee to work with local schools and businesses to see how we as a community can help high school and even middle school students prepare for the workplace.

There have also been recent developments in improving local schools that are showing measurable benefits. Those are all good things, but sadly, there are still families who either do not or will not take an interest in their child/children’s education as is seen in delinquiency and drop out rates. While I am a big proponent of trade education as well as college education, completion of high school is an important building block no matter which route is taken after that. When a student cannot understand this point for whatever that reason may be, he or she is already facing a life with restricted choices. While yes, a student might have a rebellious nature or be intensley authority-adverse, in most cases there is family influence at work. Overcoming this influence to try and help a student understand the importance of a high school education is one of the reasons that I urge mentor programs. It can make a diffference in whether a student stays in school or drops out.

There is rarely a one-size-fits-all solution and knowing what resources are available within your community to assist “at-risk” youth is important. So if you are looking for volunteer opportunities, this is something to consider.

 

Food as a Career….

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Cook at a popular local BBQ restaurant.

In the last post I wrote about lawn care and landscaping as a good example of how someone could start with virtually nothing and move up through a series of steps to build a substantial business. Another example is a career in food preparation and the culinary world. It too, is a hard business with a lot of competition, yet again, a field where the entry level can lead to great things or you can find a comfortable spot in between.

I’ve done a number of restaurant stories for the local weekly paper, with a view to the story of how the restaurant started rather than simply as a review of the food and atmosphere. In addition, I recently became aware of a local adult education program that is really quite comprehensive. It is made even more so because the woman who is in charge of the program understands that in the food world, your background matters far less than your passion and willingness to work hard. And hard work it is. There’s no question about that. And yet, if you talk to a lot of people who own or manage restaurants, see how many of them started out bussing tables and washing dishes.

Even the celebrity chefs who have cooking shows, books, go on tour – yes, they got some incredible breaks along the way, but a number of them did not attend a prestigious culinary school initially. And many of them who own restaurants keep an eye open for employees who show the desire to move up within the culinary world. They often take employees who start out in an entry level, see the promise of a chef-to-be, and either mentor the individual or provide other training.

The big chain restaurants and even a lot of fast food chains usually have management trainees programs for employees that demonstrate interest and work ethic.  And while flipping burgers in a fast food place may not be glamourous, it can definitely be a building block. Aside from restaurants, there are the tens of thousands of “cafeteria ladies”, people who work in food preparation for schools, hospitals, and other institutions. The point of the adult education program that I am talking about is that food preparation and culinary arts can be an entry level career when you are starting out, or as a later career. It is something to consider if you are, or someone who know, is  at a crossroads.

 

A Local Adult Education Center runs a Food Preparation and Culinary Arts Program where students learn not only about food, but also how to set up and manage a restaurant.

 

 

A Story of Faith, Talent, and Hard Work…..

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No, I don’t mean faith as in a specific religion, but rather faith in the concept of hard work combined with talent. In this particular case, it is gymnastic ability. We have a  young man here who made the U.S. Olympic team over the weekend after having progressed through winning medals in a number of different national and world-wide competitions. It is breathtaking to watch him on the rings, the bars, and even his floor routines are strong, but it is the backstory that is especially intriguing. I haven’t asked permission to use the names in the post, so I’ll simply tell the story.

The young man’s mother and stepfather, both nationally rated gymnasts, fled Cuba when the child was very young. They were not people of means and came here seeking what so many others do – a dream. They worked at building a new life, the stepfather taking jobs in a car wash and in fitness centers, always with the fervent hope of owning his own training gym someday. Not surprisingly, the child did show talent that they carefully nutured. The couple managed to scrape together the funds to open a gym as they wanted and made their goal quite simple. They would provide instruction and the opportunity for youngsters to reach for national and world championships, for the Olympics. When you find this tucked away studio, it doesn’t compare to a powerhouse university, but hanging against the back wall is a huge banner depicting the Olympic rings; a goal that every single student is told is attainable. Not every student has the talent of course, nor is every student willing to put in the hours and hours of work required to hone their skills to that level. Many of the students, however, have won regional awards, and others have taken national prizes. And now, it has happened, one of their own will travel to London to compete on the U.S. Olympic team.

When the weekly paper that I write for was told of the story by a parent whose child trains at the studio, I had the pleasure of going to speak with the young man and the stepfather immediately prior to a major competition that was a stepping stone to the Olympic trials. In the course of the interview, the stepfather smiling dismissed the people who told him his dreams of creating Olympic champions was foolish. Heart, faith, hard work, and a good teacher was his formula; a formula that he offers to each student that comes through his door.

I don’t know how the young man will fare at the Games, but I wish him well. Even if he doesn’t bring home a medal, he has already attained a goal that only a small percentage of athletes ever do.

 

Self Awareness Does Not Have to Include Public Disclosure…..

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I have a longer post that I will do one of these days about the subject of self-awareness, but I was in a conversation yesterday that reminded me of this basic point that I used when I taught a freshman college class in Self Awareness/Personal Development. Not to misrepresent myself academically, that was in my ROTC instruction days when I held the position of an Assistant Professor of Military Science. The title really just means that you’re assigned to an ROTC department, although most colleges and universities do want you to have a Master’s Degree. I did have thoughts of pursuing a PhD during that assignment, but that’s an entirely different subject.

Back to the point that I made in class of there being tremendous value in developing self-awareness. You cannot effectively make changes in your life if you are not aware of why you do the things that you do. Now, you may not wish to make any changes, but you cannot make that determination either until you have a grasp of your own personality, desires, strengths, and weaknesses. In the exploration of yourself, it is often useful and sometimes necessary to seek assistance in doing so. However, in discussions with others, you may indeed have an “Aha!” moment then, or it may occur later in the privacy of your own thoughts. Those moments that yield this important understanding does not require that you share the insight with anyone, although you may choose to do so. The recognition may be so deeply personal that you don’t want to share, and there is no overriding reason is that you should. A major element of genuine self-awareness is that you don’t require validation from someone else to recognize a truth about yourself. Granted, you may want another individual’s feedback, but that is not the same thing as needing the feedback.

Now, is there a nuance between truth and perception when it comes to self-awareness? There certainly can be, but that, too is the subject for another post.

 

 

Spenders and Savers…..

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Okay, this is a different type of post from the past several days, but it’s something on my mind because of a conversation over lunch the other day with regard to substituting a vacation due to leaner economic times. My friend’s plan for a cruise has given way instead to renting a condo in a popular beach town. They will also rent one a mile in from the beach because that will save them another 20%. As my friend explained, they were going to get a great price on the cruise, but when you add up all the other expenses that are involved – the drinks, excursions, etc., that put it out of reach of what they wanted to spend. And sure, you don’t have to buy extra stuff on the cruise, but that’s part of the fun and why put yourself in a position where you have to keep saying, “no”? The interesting part was that she acknowledged they technically could afford the cruise with the additional expenses, but since her husband’s job included compensation from commissions, they were trying to build a little more cushion into savings. While his overall commissions have been fairly steady, it is unpredictable and they will probably need to replace one of their cars within the next six months.

That put us into a discussion about spenders versus savers and how “hidden expenses” can easily trip people up. A number of magazine and on-line articles have hints for cutting expenses and most of them  start with that – the fact that we so often don’t really know what things costs. Brown bagging lunch is a great example that usually saves money and can also be healthier if you are in a situation where brown bagging is practical.

Then there is the refrain that many of us are familiar with of, “But I bought it on sale, so look how much money I saved.” While that is true, the “savings” is only true if it is something that you needed to buy to start with. And this is where the definition of “need” and “want” come into play. That dress/top/pair of shoes is something you can use, but do you need it? Well, who doesn’t? Except that maybe you don’t. I enjoy spending more than saving,and I am a big believer in supporting the economy, yet there are times when I decide that window shopping is a better idea. And one of the points about savings is if you have a specific goal like, “This is for the new car”, as opposed to, “I ought to save,” it can make it more emotionally palatable. Most of us know we ought to save more, but it does require a degree of discipline that we can have trouble exercising. That’s why using automatic deposits for 401K/IRA or even just a savings account can be a good approach. Again, I realize that a lot of people are in situations right now where they truly can’t save, but if you haven’t reviewed your financial plan lately, maybe it’s time to take a look.

Sweeter Sixty……

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A friend has that 60th birthday coming up, the one of so very many jokes and often a fair amount of trepidation. My sister has passed that milestone and I’ll be knocking on the door before too long. You can’t help but reflect as you look at that, knowing logically that you have reached a stage in your life that you perhaps only vaguely knew you would. After all, as a child your grandparents were sixty. I mean, really, your grandparents! And if you have children, you may now be the grandparent.

Each person decides on their own whether they wish to embrace aging, fight it with cosmetics/other procedures, deny it, allow it to be a stressor, be puzzled by it, or a combination of any of the above. In keeping with the whole, “How did I get here?”, view of turning sixty, I wrote a poem a few years ago for another friend’s birthday. I don’t do poetry for other than special occasions now, but for all of you out there at, or near the Sixtieth birthday, I offer these words:

Sweeter Sixty

Sweet sixteen has long past                                                                                              A twinkle of time though                                                                                                   To bring sixty sweeter still.                                                                                            The years of learning, of giving,                                                                                       Of finding love fleeting in youth,                                                                                        Of becoming the person you are.                                                                                    How precious the understanding                                                                                   That tears spent forged strength,                                                                                   And wisdom is not quickly had.                                                                                       We touch our glasses to toast you                                                                                   To celebrate this, our salute  to                                                                                   Living life in all its richness.

 Charlie Hudson

Mentoring Opportunities…..

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I know that if you don’t have children, you sometimes think that you wouldn’t be able to connect with adolescents or teens. However, the dreams and concerns for today’s youth aren’t so very different than they have ever been. Certain societal and economic issues may be different, but not the fundamental emotions that drive us – the questions like, “Why are some people born lucky and others into terrible situations?”; “What if I’m never popular?”; “Why should I bother with more school?”, etc.,.

The point is that for many youth, what they need is a mature adult who does realize you get through life’s tough times, and that doesn’t not necessarily have to be someone who is a parent. This is especially true of teens in foster home situations who are going to “age out”. In many states, 18 or completion of high school, is legally the point of departure from foster care. But if you think about the background of those who are placed in foster care, they may not be socially or emotionally equipped at 18 to be out on their own, and perhaps another year or two of mentoring will make the difference in them succeeding or falling into poor life choices that reflect the dysfunctional homes that caused them to be placed into the foster system in the first place. There are organizations that address this specific aspect of foster care and if you have ever considered becoming a mentor, it is something to look into.