Category Archives: When Real Life Interferes

Those Blurry Lines…….

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Alert! Musing content trending toward serious. In the miniseries, “Lonesome Dove”, the two main characters of Gus and Call were former Texas Rangers as was a third friend, Jake. Of the three, Call was the most rigid when it came to questions of good and bad, Gus was more philosophical and Jake tended to get into more trouble than the others. At one point in the series, Jake strikes out on his own, but it is dangerous territory and he winds up with two men who are in fact not averse to theft and murder. This was not Jake’s intent of course and as the tragedy unfolds, Gus and Call are forced to acknowledge that Jake is involved. During the intensifying situation, Jake protests his innocence about “having crossed the line”, with the exclamation of, “I didn’t see no line. I was just trying to get through the territory.” (Or words to that effect)

That is an incredibly accurate description for so many of us about many things. Seeing the line between right and wrong is often difficult and like in a rapid sport, it can be easy to step across the line before you realize it. In the realm of “right and wrong” though there is the complication of lines being blurred when you ask yourself honestly where a particular line is. Does the line exist because you believe it to, or because you have generally accepted it as a line? Does a line now exist where it did not before or vice-versa? What we once believed to be harmless fun, we might now come to see is hurtful. Or perhaps something that we once thought was inappropriate, we now put into perspective as no big deal. Yet in the desire to be “non-judgmental” do we run the risk of losing all standards? And where does “sticking to your principles” become an unwillingness to honestly examine a position to see if perhaps you should change? No easy answers here, are there?

 

Adults Make Trade-offs…….

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Serious Content Alert! In a number of conversations over the past few weeks, I have solidified my belief that goals, dreams, and fantasies are a good way to measure maturity. One has dreams and sets goals to achieve those dreams and who doesn’t enjoy thinking how one would spend that $560 million dollar lottery winning? I’ve written other posts on this subject before, yet there are constant permutations to the theme. Recent events have caused us to once again take a look at plans we’d made for our future and begin to make some adjustments. Those are not the subject of this post since a) we’re just beginning that process, and b) multiple factors are involved and we don’t know for sure how they will play out.

The point, however, is that in the real world where most of us dwell, a time comes when it is important to differentiate between dreams and fantasies. Mature thinking means that you sit and realize, “Okay, this is the likely scenario of what our real resources are and what we can accomplish/have/do.” Clinging to a fantasy of what you want to have “someday” even when you are faced with limited resources of money, time, or availability, is a path to disappointment and stress. In some cases, it can also damage relationships as you seek to “blame someone or something for preventing you from having what you want.” That, my friends, does not always mean giving up on a dream – there are times when some adjustment, a slightly new angle of looking at something, a change here or there might still make it happen. However, you may also have to take a hard look at, is it a dream, or has it crossed into the realm of fantasy? Years ago when I had my ROTC assignment, there was a sign in the Business Department that said, “1968 – If I could just make $40,000 a year, I’d be on Easy Street. 1988 – They moved Easy Street.”

If you are indeed faced with Easy Street (or whatever the equivalent is in your situation), having moved, it’s moved. Do you work longer, do you change some plans you had, do you adjust some priorities? These are trade-offs, and for your and your spouse/partner/significant other’s, sake if you are required to make some of those serious trade-offs, then do so consciously in the least painful way possible and then understand it for what it is. Genuinely come to terms with it and understand that a little grieving may even be in order. The loss of a dream is a loss. Not on the scale with some others, but there can definitely be a pang of longing. It’s better to feel and recognize that moment of sorrow than to bury the resentment where it might well fester. Life happens and letting go of the dream of making a cruise around the world doesn’t mean you can’t take shorter trips to other places you’d like to visit. Will it be the same? No? It means you add that cruise to your fantasy list and enjoy the good things in life that you do have,

Crashing on Deadlines…..

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This will be closer to a tweet than a blog because I am in my second straight week of crashing on what was two and became three critical deadlines all due by either yesterday or today. More to follow with a decent post tomorrow that will be entitled, “Making Trade-offs (Updated)” since that topic is closely aligned with what is going on at the moment. Ah well, we can’t always control the timing of things around us.

Root of Responsibility……..

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Musing content alert! We are fans of the series, “Game of Thrones”, although we haven’t read the books because, quite frankly, I tried and the body count was simply too much for my taste. The series is bad enough with that and I will attempt to be careful in writing this so that if someone hasn’t watched the last few episodes, it won’t be a spoiler.

As a quick summation, the “Game of Thrones” refers to the constant jostling among the seven major houses (kingdoms) as to who will rule and sit on the Iron Throne. The king who had brought everyone more or less into line died and an event occurred that caused a war to erupt with the claim that the very young (and quite unbalanced) King is not the rightful heir. His maternal line is the powerful house of Lannister and so far, they’re managing pretty well to retain their hold on power. It is the grandfather who not only wields the real power, but who understands the machinations and has outmaneuvered those he considers a threat. Which brings me to the point of the blog.

In the season finale, a brutal event is set into motion by the grandfather and one of his sons questions the lack of honor in the action. “I did it to stop this war,” is the answer. “Why is it considered more honorable for 10,000 men to die on a battlefield than for a dozen to die thusly?” (I just paraphrased that). Okay, that would seem to be a good question and you think, well, yes, perhaps that would be justified. Except – the core point is that while the war was launched by another house, it was the specific action of the young King that precipitated the response. And, if the grandfather was willing to face the truth, he would learn that perhaps the young King’s hold on the throne is in fact dubious at best. Ergo, his claim of desire to end the war (while ensuring his family stays in power) fails to address where the actual responsibility lies.

I will grant that in this scenario, admission of responsibility is likely to end in significant bloodshed, but in the metaphorical sense, the “bloodshed” can mean adverse career or relationship impact. It is, too often, the wish to avoid those impacts that cause individuals to obscure responsibility when an action he or she goes badly.

An Interesting Aspect of Group Dynamics…….

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This will be a short post and part of the reason for that is that I am engaged in a project that has taken a complicated turn. It is related to previous posts when I’ve discussed mistakes that people make and how to respond to those mistakes when you are on the receiving end, and how you might react if you are the one making a mistake. This is the time when by “mistake”, I don’t mean you forgot to buy ketchup when you went to the store and you have to go back for another trip or do without. I am referring instead to one of those types of mistakes where you impact multiple other people to the point of risking both the end goal of a project and the deadline. Discovering a major error is one thing. Discovering a major error when there is a serious time crunch is another.

That also leads into two issues – the first is resolving the error and meeting the deadline, the next is how to handle the error with the individual who made it. That happens to not be my concern here, although I will get drawn in simply because it is a small group and that’s part of group dynamics. In helping resolve the error, we are working to do so in a manner that will permit everyone to save face. However, that may not be a perception shared by everyone in the group. In that event, as they say, “Things could get messy.” Hopefully, despite the significant extra work, all will be smoothed over. So, how about it, readers? Care to share tales of similar situations?

Leaving Ocean Springs……

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Okay, now for the twist to what should have been a really pleasant. day. I was booked on the 2:30 flight out of Gulfport-Biloxi airport which is about a forty minute drive from Ocean Springs. The plan was to have a leisurely breakfast with my brother and sister-in-law, take them to one more scenic spot, then us go our separate ways. I had booked the late flight because one never quite knows what may happen when my brother and sister-in-law are involved in a trip and I wanted to give myself extra time  in case they had been delayed in arriving in Ocean Springs or even if I had needed to make a last minute adjustment and dash over to Louisiana where they lived. Anyway, that was a logical decision on my part and that was going to put me into Miami around 8:00 p.m. The kicker to all of this was that I had a commitment to an event beginning at 3:00 p.m. on Monday.

At any rate, all was going well – pleasant breakfast, took care of last minute family business, and off we all go. I obviously arrived at the airport in plenty of time, planning to have a cold beer or two, see if the airport had Wi-Fi. (Not only did they, but it was free.) Then things began to unravel with the delay of the in-bound flight that would cause me to miss the Atlanta connection. Okay, well, there are a lot of flights between Atlanta and Miami. Apparently, however, not as many as I thought. I was told that they could not in fact get me out of Atlanta on Sunday and I could choose to go to Atlanta and spend the night or stay in Biloxi and take the 6:00 a.m., but in either case, I wouldn’t go out of Atlanta until the 11:45 flight on Monday. In retrospect, perhaps I should have gone on, but I decided to stay in Biloxi. So, it was up very early to catch the 6:00 a.m., then not very long at home before I had to change and get to the 3:00 p.m. commitment that went until 7:00 p.m. Needless to say, I was definitely ready for an early night. Ah well, the week has now literally dissolved in a series of commitments and I hope that today with complete me recovering my balance.

 

Belated Blogging From Ocean Springs…..

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View from Ocean Springs Park

View from Ocean Springs Park

 I have of course explained before that I am not a technically savvy blogger. That lack of skill became apparent during my recent trip to Ocean Springs as I was unable to access my blog for two reasons. One was an error on my part and the other was the decision to stay in a sort of B&B (that means the Bed and not Breakfast part) where there was no connectivity. At any rate, the next three posts will be catch up as to that trip. Under the circumstances, I will post in daily sequence with wrap-up at the end.

I spent the first night of the trip in Biloxi, and did not arrive in Ocean Springs until the morning of Day Two. As I wrote in a previous blog, we discovered Ocean Springs as we were en-route to New Orleans. It is a really inviting small town on Biloxi Bay. In fact, it is so inviting, that I wanted to come back and look around, plus it’s only an hour and a half from where my brother and sister-in-law live. The plan was for them to come down (well, down and over) on Saturday for a pleasant lunch, then dinner, and my return to FL Sunday afternoon.

The fact that Oak Shade Retreat where I stayed was a short walk to the beach made up for the inconvenience of no internet. I am not at the point in my life to where I need to be “wired 24/7” for most trips.

I saw lots of brown pelicans which I dearly love and a number of other birds as well as plenty of Spanish Moss dripping from the plentiful oak trees that have survived generations of hurricanes. Katrina did a huge amount of damage here and in some places people decided not to rebuild. While the property prices plummeted as they did nation-wide, they are headed back up and waterfront, as always, held its value.

Breakfast my first morning was at the Bayview, a place that does breakfast, lunch, and catering. Enjoyable ambience, had a superb lemon-poppy seed muffin and excellent coffee. Lunch was back over in Biloxi at McElroy Seafood, a place on the bay that has been around for quite some time apparently, but was destroyed by Katrina and re-built. Dinner – we shall see.

 

Brown Pelicans at Big Chill in Key Largo

Brown Pelicans

 

A Trip Interrupted…….

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Ah, this was supposed to be a delayed post to talk about my trip to Ocean Springs, MS. I will do that, but at the moment, I am trying to curb my intense frustration with still being in Biloxi instead of on the way to Miami. I will not divulge the name of the airline until I have contacted them with my extreme displeasure. I do not know why the flight coming into Biloxi was delayed as long as it was, but that resulted in me not being able to make the connecting flight. Now, since they try and re-book using a central system instead of agents on the ground, the woman whom I will never meet informed me on the phone that they could not get me out tonight whether I left Biloxi or not. You can imagine my response. So, I will take a 6:00 a.m. flight tomorrow morning in order to make the connecting flight that will then hopefully get me to Miami around noon. Since I have a commitment at 3:00 p.m. in Homestead, that means I will literally get home in time to change clothes and leave for a 3-plus hour event.

I will stop the post at this point and let everyone know tomorrow how all of this works out.

For Parents Who Travel

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Perhaps the fact that I’m traveling tomorrow so soon after Mother’s Day sparked the thought about my book, The Parents Guide to Business Travel, the first non-fiction book that I wrote. While I usually hyperlink the title, this time, I’m providing the link to the first chapter instead because there might be some passages that will sound very familiar. http://www.charliehudson.net/books/week_sample.html

In actuality, I think the spark came from a discussion with a friend who has a friend who is feeling that his relationship with his children is strained due to travel, but he thinks that it will eventually work out. And it might. However, if the plan is to pretend that there isn’t a problem and ignore it rather than honestly look at the situation, then the scales could tip in the other direction. The very reason that I wrote the book was based on many years of work-related separation, to include the six months of deployment during Desert Shield/Storm. The separations began when my son was only three and continued through high school. That is why I divided the book by age group – how one handles separation with an infant is not the same as with an adolescent. No matter the age though, there is a common theme and that is to convey to the child/children that you are not away because you value work more than family. The demand of travel in a job is a reality in certain professions and that is what you explain. How you explain that will depend on age, personality, and other factors that I discuss in the book. When managed correctly, this can be a positive influence because it provides insight to a child about adults and work. Children can understand priorities when those are presented in a user-friendly way. “Mommy/Daddy has work and sometimes it is at the office and sometimes it’s in a far away place. I will come home as soon as I can,” instead of, “Stop crying about me leaving. I have to because of work.” It may seem like a subtle difference, but it is a difference.

Enhanced technology can be a wonderful thing for helping “shrink the distance”, although that doesn’t always work schedule-wise if you travel in significantly separated time zones or are on a project that starts early in the morning and ends late at night. The key point to remember is that children can and do understand about why you travel if you have two-way communications and address their concerns seriously. (That doesn’t mean agreeing to emotional blackmail, but I cover that in the book, too). So, if it’s time to pack that bag again soon, interact with your child/children prior to the trip and if the response is, “That’s okay, it’s not a big deal,” that probably means you are handling the situation well.