Category Archives: When Real Life Interferes

Second Full Day of Trip……

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It’s funny in a way how we become so accustomed to things that when we travel, it can be disconcerting to not have them. Connectivity being the example for today. Now, I acknowledge part of that is my average (some days less, some days more) ability when it comes to technology. I don’t have the high speed take-it-with-me doo-dad that can find a hotspot just about anywhere. In-room WiFi (preferably free) is one of the criteria I have for booking a room though. That, however, does come with the simple fact that a lot of those systems are definitely not the fastest and sometimes not the most reliable in the world. So, I spend at least part of the time staring at a screen with whatever device I am using not responding in the manner I would like. On the other hand, I suppose I could try to let it teach me patience. (Not that I hold out much hope on that point.)

Anyway, the trip has been successful in the sense of now understanding where we are in this stage of my dad’s life. There are elements of the situation that are better than I expected. His Alzheimer’s is still manageable and he can function well with most things. He seems quite comfortable with the walker. Fortunately, he has never had an issue with hearing and he has regained some vision in the eye that was damaged a few years ago. His short-term memory loss keeps him from reading these days, but he can still enjoy shows like on Travel Channel and National Geographic.  I hope we will have some time today to capture a few of the old family stories. Yesterday was filled with other tasks.

Trip and Other……

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This is not exactly a fun trip. I have literally dashed to Louisiana to check on the situation with my dad. At ninety-one, there will be a certain level of slowing down. The assisted living facility he and my stepmother are in is basic, but nice. His Alzheimer’s seems to be as manageable as it can be. He is quite functional with predominantly short term memory issues. It’s distressing for him of course and part of the reason for me coming is to try and help him process through this stage. No, it won’t really help him since he won’t remember, however, I might be able to “impress” a few supportive phrases he can hold to. I am not a practitioner in neural linguistics programming (NLP), but will do what I can. What I can do is capture some of the old stories he has because if you’ve been through this, you know those are often the memory links that become more vivid. It’s always been a source of interest to researchers. Anyway, I’ll get as many of those as I can over the next few days and we’ll take a couple of short outings. Daddy is on a walker now, although moves quite well with it.

The trip itself was fairly smooth – minor delays on both flights. There was a situation out of Atlanta I had not previously encountered (to the best of my knowledge). During the pre-flight inspection, they discovered a small hole in nosecone (I think they said). They patched it, but had to wait for the epoxy to dry and be inspected. Okay, yes, that would be a good thing. Smooth flight after that and on a larger aircraft than I was accustomed to coming to for this route.

It’s Never Easy…….

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Serious content alert. A friend is mourning the loss of an aunt, another friend has signed the hospice paperwork for her father, and I received notice not long ago of the unexpected death of a high school friend. As Baby Boomers, we look in the mirror and the face we see looking back can startle us at times, or we suddenly realize an event that was important to us actually happened fifty years prior. Fifty years? That’s half a century, for crying out loud. How is that possible? And for those of us who have grandchildren (or great-grandchildren), it hardly seems possible you can be in a crowded room and be the oldest one present. Or you’re at a social event and listen to someone make a comment about dreading their upcoming fortieth birthday. Forty, what’s to worry about forty?

Momentarily setting aside our own aging issues, few of us have much longer with our parents or other relatives and friends who belong to “The Greatest Generation.” It’s a fact we can ignore without for one moment altering the reality of what will happen within the next few years. Yes, there will be those who tick over that century mark, but even with that, many will be diminished in their mental capabilities. The point to this post is one I have made before and was, of course, the foundation of my book, Your Room at the End: Thoughts About Aging We Want to Avoid. We can no more avoid this stage of our lives than we can tell the sun to not set today or rise in the morning. If there is someone who matters to you who is aging and whom you want to see, talk to, or otherwise contact, do so. If a visit is not possible for whatever reason, pick up the phone, or go buy a card/write a letter. Yes, you can still write letters in this day of email. It doesn’t require a special occasion.

Assessing Stress….

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Somewhat serious content alert. Okay, this isn’t a bubbly Easter greeting, but due to a couple of different situations, I’ve recently been giving extra thought to the stress that impacts our lives. Perhaps more accurately, I’ve been thinking of how our responses to stressors affect us. The Serenity Prayer really does capture the essence of need to differentiate what we can and can’t control. As humans, we can easily get tangled up between the two. I’m not talking about the far ends of the behavioral spectrum when someone frequently plunges into depression or total denial when an individual refuses to accept there’s a problem to deal with.  The focus for this post is the “normal range” of people who face our modern lives with lots of demands.

Bad things happen to good people and those, in general, are things we can’t control. There are, however, plenty of stressors in our lives that we have some measure of control over, yet don’t necessarily exercise that control or recognize the temporary nature of the stressor. An example that covers both these situations is when we overcommit. I’ve written before about my reluctance to say, “No”, to requests and while I have gotten a little better, what seems to work best is for me to try and “lump” my overcommitting so it’s a tough stretch for a given period, then I can recharge. It might not be the right solution for other people, but the point is to find what works for you as an individual. And that leads into a much trickier issue.

Most of us overreact at times and might need someone to help us put things into perspective. There are people though who seem to seek stress and want to pull others into the same degree of frenzy. This is where we sometimes have to step back and say, “Hmm, do I need this?”  When you’re around incredibly “high maintenance” individuals, it can be somewhat contagious and you might find yourself responding with more drama to something than you otherwise would. This is where you can decide to pull away and either come up with a plausible excuse or be candid (which might also cause you stress) and accept that the other individual/individuals might never understand why. Again, most of us deal with enough stress on a regular basis and metaphorically speaking, it can be like cleaning out that closet where you’ve been shoving things in until you can barely close the door. If someone or something is crowding out your “comfortable emotional space” it may be time to get the big garbage bags out or at least box things up to give to charity.

What Do You Mean, She Doesn’t Like Me?……

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I had an interesting discussion recently and it’s related to previous posts I’ve written about the power of external validation. A number of years ago there was a TV comedy series, “Caroline in the City”. The title character (I don’t recall the actress’s name) was from Wisconsin and thus was often puzzled about the ways of New York. In one particular episode, she discovered a woman had expressed dislike for her and she was dismayed. “What do mean she doesn’t like me? I’m from Wisconsin. We have to be liked!” (Or words to that effect.) Not surprisingly, the episode was about her efforts to win the woman over, which in a comedy meant things went amusingly downhill.

In a slightly more serious vein, it usually is a shock to the emotional system to discover that someone doesn’t like you, and it’s worse when you realize someone may actually loathe you. If you’ve crossed an individual and staked out opposite sides on an issue that’s one thing. But if you can’t pinpoint an incident of disagreement, you may be forced to come to grips with the reality that there are people who simply don’t like you. Why? Who knows? Perhaps you unwittingly offended them. Perhaps you got crossways with a friend of theirs and it’s the old schoolyard issue of, “You can’t be my friend and like her/him, too.” Perhaps you remind the individual of someone they despise and they can’t get past that. It doesn’t really matter because ultimately, there is little you can do if someone chooses to dislike you. Now, there have been a few occasions when someone confessed to having not liked me initially and then changed after actually getting to know me, and that was always an interesting conversation.

Simplistically speaking, part of the need for external validation and wanting to be liked is a primordial defense against the fear of being banished, and for those who embrace Maslow, “Belonging” is listed right above “Safety” in a similar linkage. We are social creatures and for most of us, rejection is tough to take. The phrase, “Well, I don’t care what they think,” may be what one says while covering up the sting, or it may be accurate because there really are people whose opinions will be of no value to you.

When The Next Generation Doesn’t Have The Passion…..

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No, this is not a “Well, my generation…” kind of post. This is about multi-generation family businesses that don’t continue in the family. Yes, there can be economic failure, but the other side of that coin is when children or grandchildren realize they don’t have the interest or desire to “carry on”. Sometimes, it is understanding the business “ability” doesn’t exist, but in those cases a competent manager/partner can often be brought it. Successfully running a business is difficult, period. Being in charge comes with tremendous responsibilities and if you’re in customer service, especially if it’s a 7-day-a-week business, the demands never stop. When you aren’t engaged in whatever the operation of the business is, there is always paperwork of some type waiting.

For a parent, there is a huge source of pride when a child (or children as it might be) want to follow in the footsteps and maintain or very often grow the business to greater heights. Sometimes it’s a major expansion or maybe modest, yet solid improvement. I have known several families who can count six generations worth, but that’s unusual. The primary reason for not continuing is when a child/children “grow up in the business”, they do know it from the inside out and may well want to do anything other than to stay in that particular business. You can’t create and manage a business without caring about it. Passion and skill can definitely be related, but they aren’t interchangeable. One of the difficult things in a family business is if there have been three (or more) generations who did keep it going and it becomes obvious that it won’t continue. So much tradition, so many memories, and they will fall by the wayside. Even if there is someone ready to buy at an acceptable (and sometimes attractive) price, it is still relinquishing family history. It is never easy, yet in the end, it is likely to be the correct action to take.

If You Know Someone Who Needs A New Career…..

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One of the nice things about being involved with different community organizations is the chance to spread the word about good opportunities. This one is quite removed from arts, but is also very exciting. It will be the topic of the Chamber Corner in the South Dade News Leader next week and there will be a piece in the March Home Shopper Magazine, but I’m trying to let as many people as I can know about it.

Manufactured construction is the latest wave and I’m not talking about building mobile homes. This type of construction is modular, high tech with the use of computers, very energy efficient, and meets strict wind/storm codes. In essence, the modules can be used for residential and commercial construction and can create anything from a “tiny house” to a high-rise building where there is a frame and completely constructed rooms are “plugged in” and connected to the structure. There are a lot more details involved, but the capabilities are amazing. When you look at a finished product, you can’t tell the difference in it and one constructed using traditional methods. While all of that is seriously cool, the point is this technology has a high demand for workers and supervisors.

The Department of Labor has provided large grants to different places to underwrite the cost of tuition for the two-year certification program and MDC got in on this program. Initially the classes were at Kendall and we (members of the Chamber) were able to talk with the program manager back in August and they now have the course right here in Homestead. The criteria for entering the program is very basic – be at least 18, make a 9 on the TABE (or have a high school diploma), and be eligible to work in the U.S. (The Test of Adult Basic Education (TABE) is designed to effectively assess both the knowledge and skills of adult learners.) Even better, students who are older and have work or other education experience can try to test out of certain parts of the multi-phase program. At the completion of certification, the graduate has 2 new nationally recognized Certificates in Manufactured Construction and 7 nationally recognized industry certificates from OSHA, NCCER & MSSC. Due to the demands for these skills, employment is running at 80% and higher, and these are good paying jobs with a lot of upward an mobility potential. (Pardon the change in font here – not sure how to fix it)

There is some cost to students for texts and some certification tests have fees, but the tuition is completely free and with the course being taught at Homestead that solves the transportation issue of being up in Kendall. In the way that I do, I especially urge girls and young women to give this some thought and it’s great for veterans getting out of service or people who are stuck in jobs with little upward opportunity.

For more details, visit www.mdc.edu/tramcon or call Mariza Torres at 305-237-2723. Please tell anyone you know who might benefit from this.

About That I Told You So……

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This is going to be a short post and it will seem rather odd coming on the end of a holiday weekend. First, I do hope everyone was able to relax at least a little and enjoy family and/or friends depending on your particular situation.

Now to the fact that no matter how old we get, I suppose there is always the opportunity to make mistakes even though we might genuinely think we are correct. While experience is a good teacher, we can either lose a lesson or think we are in a situation where one we learned many years ago isn’t applicable. I popped onto Brainy Quotes and found the Oscar Wilde one of, “Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.” Although the goal should be to not repeat them, I suppose in our human reality, we do slip up with that. And if we have been warned, and move ahead with something anyway, the time may come when the individual who tried to warn you ought to have the opportunity to say, “Yeah, I told you so.” Whether or not the individual chooses to do so is another matter and if you happen to be the one who gave the warning that was ignored, it can be tricky to decide whether to let the phrase slip, or keep it quiet. Any thoughts on this one?

Plans Can Go Awry…..

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Fortunately, we drive to Georgia each year to have Thanksgiving with my husband’s family. That meant when a work crisis bubbled up and it became apparent I wasn’t going to be able to go, hubby didn’t want to go without me. At least we didn’t have to cope with the expense of cancelling airline reservations. This happened one other year, and as we did then, we’ll plan a trip up after the first of the year. It’s something that can’t be helped and we actually had two invitations to dinner we had declined since we were going to be out of town. That means all we have to do is whip up the broccoli-rice casserole to take with us. It so happens, that’s one of those dishes my husband makes. It’s kind of interesting.  Bring-a-dish gatherings are common in the military and back when he was a bachelor, he decided to not be the one who always brought chips and dip or grabbed a cheese tray from the store. He specialized in three things – a killer hot chili-cheese dip, a version of Ambrosia, and the broccoli-rice casserole. That pretty much took care of him with whatever the hostess wanted.

The casserole is really pretty simple – one package frozen broccoli, thawed and chopped, 1 jar Cheez Whiz, 1/2 medium onion chopped, 1-2 stalks celery chopped, 1 can cream soup (celery, onion, mushroom, chicken – your choice), 2 cups cooked rice. Salt and pepper to taste – throw in 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes if you like. Mix it all together, spray a casserole dish with non-stick spray and bake at 350 for 30-40 minutes until top is lightly browned. Easy and delicious, plus it retains heat pretty well.

So, anyway, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

Swirling About…..

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Goodness, what a lapse in posting. Events rather jammed together from last Thursday on and I hadn’t realized my long gap. Let me very quickly explain.

Homestead Main Street held the Third Annual Burger Battle (slight name change from previous years) on Saturday and Mother Nature was not as generous as she could have been. The fairly light and sporadic rain was manageable and the crowd was good considering how many did stay away because of weather. The main part of the event had at least passed before we got word of major rain on the way. Most folks were able to shut down and retreat, but not all by any means. Chefs on the Run remains the undefeated burger champion, but I have to say the two burgers I tried – one from Broadway Subs and one from El Toro Taco – were excellent. I normally help out in the museum during the festivals so all I could do was pop out for a few minutes and didn’t have time to try the other competitors. To be honest, I wouldn’t have tried the one that hubby was so excited about. The Big Cheese took a different approach and went with the “donut cheeseburger” that has been the trend in several places. Yes, it is a donut sliced in half as the bun. The idea is the sweet and savory mix entices your taste buds. Hubby thoroughly enjoyed it and I think I can handle the concept. The incredible stickiness of the donut with all the meat, cheese, bacon and other packed in is what I’m not sure I can deal with by hand. A knife and fork in this case, maybe.

Anyway, that took up Saturday and I’ve been crashing on the manuscript as well as juggling meetings and other commitments. I’ll make it a point to do better.