Category Archives: Thoughts on Relationships

Road Trip…….

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I haven’t taken a long road trip alone for quite some time – and I mean quite some time. This is one of those situations where I also don’t normally travel on Memorial Day Weekend, although I won’t be on the Interstate over any of the actual holiday weekend. I’ll be on state roads at that point, none of which are likely to be overly crowded. I did 11 hours today, getting close to Pensacola before stopping and I’ll make my way to Mandeville, LA tomorrow to spend the night and take my brother and sister-in-law to dinner. There is a new brewpub that has been built within walking distance of the Guest House where we always try to stay when we visit.

Traffic today moved slowly despite my early start and there was  construction around Tallahassee, but the weather was good and no undue delays, so I can’t complain. This particular trip will take me to four different points of family and friends and there will be  a definite degree of poignancy for part of it as well as some business mixed in. My connectivity will be sporadic and so the blog posts may be more intermittent than usual.

Valentine’s Day Thoughts…..

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For reasons that are too painful for me to get into, Valentine’s Day had always been important to me, and it isn’t that I no longer care about it, but I have noticed an interesting lessening of it as a symbol. That, no doubt, is because as I have noted on this blog before, I am married to one of the most wonderful men in the world. Not that we don’t have spats, and those can sometimes escalate into heated discussions, but never anything that we can’t resolve quickly. Twenty-five years of marriage though doesn’t remotely mean that romance isn’t important; it’s that we have plenty of those moments that don’t need to be confined to special occasions. Restaurants tend to get a little crazy on Valentine’s Day and we do, after all, have poolside dining with Tiki torches to be lit in our own back yard. That, and a lovely bottle of wine or champagne does make for a very nice setting. Actually though, if I can get this one project completed this morning, as I hope to, there might be a waterfront lunch involved down in Key Largo as we go in search of a cabinet maker for a custom piece that we need.

And despite more than two decades now of marriage, I do still remember those Valentine’s Days when I wondered if I was ever going to find the proverbial Mr. Right, and the times when I decided that if I didn’t, it was okay. Valentine’s Day has that effect on women, and so for my friends and readers out there who maybe aren’t thrilled when this day comes around, I would say to try and let it wash over you. Love most assuredly can find you later in life and after making more than one mistake in the relationship department. And if it should be that it doesn’t, finding the fulfillment you need with other things in life can work, too.

A Pause for Christmas…..

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I do have one more segment to do about the Australia trip, but I want to take a pause for Christmas thoughts. I had intended to post yesterday and somehow the entire day slipped away without me doing so. I had delayed in Christmas baking, so there was the sharing of stockings, then making brunch, then clean-up to have room for baking, then cookies for hubby to take to the office today, then the little apple pie so the tradition of him having apple pie wasn’t broken, then get the appetizer ready to take to our friends where we were having a great Christmas dinner. Oh yes, and multiple telephone calls to and from family. That would be where the day went among good food, plenty of wine and laughter.

I’ve procrastinated on several things that I really must take care of today and figure out leftovers management in the refrigerator with a variety of items that aren’t usually in the fridge. The brie in pastry can be for the big New Year’s Eve dinner we always do and the remaining seafood stew should be for tonight. The chocolate cake will go somewhere – either with a friend for her and her roommates to enjoy or down to the office tomorrow. The batch of fruit will become smoothies and a nice ragout sauce will take care of some of the other stuff.

I hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas in whatever form you chose to enjoy. Our son and daughter-in-law arrive the 28th for a few days and so my catching up time will be a bit compressed. Ah well, maybe if the elves aren’t too busy at the moment, a couple of them could pop around and give a hand.

A Multi-Layered Movie….

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I don’t know enough about baseball to know whether the Clint Eastwood movie, “Trouble With the Curve” accurately portrayed the sport, but I do have faith in Eastwood. A friend who is highly knowledgeable said the treatment of the intricacies was correct. With that answered, the movie is one that deals with layered and timeless topics, yet without the darkness of many of Eastwood’s movies. A scene late in the movie between him and his daughter dips into an intense subject, but does not linger beyond what is needed to convey the point.

Instead, the movie blends the arrogance of youth that is ready to push aside the “individual who should know when to retire”, the talented individual who doesn’t recognize his limitations, the talented individual who might well have gone unnoticed except for a lucky break of timing, the talented individual whose dream was fleetingly achieved, then torn away, the complexities of family when tragedy strikes and emotional barriers are raised without realizing that has happened. It is a movie that stirs thought, that has enough twists so as not to be completely predictable, a movie that a couple should be able to enjoy together.

One of Those Gender Things…….

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Among my varied background was a time as an Organizational Development consultant which is essentially a cross between business, psychology, and in my case, sociology and a dash of industrial engineering thrown in simply because I was drawn more to the technical aspect of production than to the “touchy-feeling” part of let’s make everyone feel valued so they’ll work better. Not that I was an expert in any of those areas, but it was an interesting blend of disciplines. In the process of that, I did a fair amount of reading about gender differences as workplaces were becoming more diverse, and while there aren’t that many genuine differences, there are some that are notable. In the relationship world, this is what drove the highly popular, “Mars/Venus” books and all those spin-offs. The other day as I had to discuss a rather serious matter with my husband, I was reminded of one of the things that women don’t always handle well – having your husband (other significant male) watching television when you want to have “one of those talks”. Our tendency is to say, “Would you please turn that off/down?”, because we view it as a distraction.

In reality, even though women are often better multi-taskers than men, males, in general, are not as distracted by multiple sounds to the same degree as females are. They can listen to a conversation, read, study, and perform other tasks while listening to music, television, or radio. Now, does that mean that they won’t claim that to be a distraction if they happen to not like the topic being discussed? That, you shouldn’t bet on.

Birthday Wishes and Finding “The One”…..

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Brown Pelicans at Big Chill in Key Largo

Brown Pelicans at Big Chill in Key Largo

Hubby is on his way home from diving and we’ll go to his favorite sushi place tonight for dinner. No big birthday cake, but we’re not really into that. His early birthday present was the re-breather that I posted about previously, although there are some things going on at the Speedway that will be tempting to indulge in. (We didn’t happen to have his birthday lunch at Big Chill because of a timing issue, but the photo is a symbol of all those times when we’ve sat and enjoyed waterfront dining in a lot of different places.)

Okay, for those who read this and have not yet found “the one”, I don’t mean to cause you distress. For those who might have been through relationships that didn’t work (marriages or otherwise) before finding “the one”, you will agree that you don’t always get it right the first time. We’re human and make mistakes, hopefully learning from them, notwithstanding the guy who worked for me and had been through four divorces.

As I have mentioned before, falling in love is one thing, staying in love is something else. Marriage or a long term committed partnership probably won’t be a “constant honeymoon” and the fireworks might not metaphorically burst every single day. That doesn’t mean there aren’t frequent romantic times, merely that we live with ordinary tasks and snippy words can erupt when you really are tired of the clutter or he really wishes that you wouldn’t slam the cabinet doors shut rather than verbalize your displeasure. “The one”, is indeed worth waiting for and on this, my hubby’s birthday, I smile and give deep thanks for that event that brought us together.

When You Choose Truth Over Friendship…….

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Serious content alert. A while back, I posted a Tweet that essentially asked the question of, “When does being candid cross the line into self-indulgent insensitivity?” Now, before I proceed, let me say that there is a very big difference between insensitivity and out-of-control political correctness. There are some people who will take offense at the drop of a hat and others who actively seek offense when none is intended. In other cases, phrases or expressions that were once considered okay fall out of general favor without everyone getting the memo. Are we all on the same sheet of music with this? The fact is that we can inadvertently hurt someone’s feelings and unless it is brought to our attention, we probably won’t realize it.

Sadly, we can also be in a situation where a friend sets upon a distressing path and is blinded to it for whatever reason. As a friend, you may well choose not to point this out, be supportive and hope that everything will be resolved without intervention. In some cases, the friend may ask for a level of candor that allows you to express your misgivings without being the one to initiate a painful discussion. In other cases, the situation may become such that you no longer feel that you can stay silent. In those instances, it becomes your choice because the odds are that in speaking out, the recipient will have a very different view, quite probably become angry, and perhaps break the friendship with you cast in the role of villain. Careful thought must go into a decision like this and once you express your view, there won’t be any taking it back. Are you certain of your own perception? Are you certain of your own motivation? Are you willing to have the friendship withdrawn and realize that your candor may well have zero impact on the situation? I hope that you don’t ever have to make a decision of this nature, yet in the realm of human relationships, you might face such a choice.

Headed to the Airport……

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Small Town Haven is scheduled for a late October release.

Small Town Haven is scheduled for a late October release.

I leave in a couple of hours for a jam-packed trip home to Louisiana. Family, friends, and running up and down the road a lot, but it’s important to get my dad down to see one part of the family that they can no longer drive to because of the distance. And since I have girlfriends that I try to see down that way as well, it means a trip on Friday, turn around to go back up on Sat to go back that day, then back that evening. If it sounds confusing, it is a bit, but I’m used to it. Due to other circumstances, I also have to go up to Missouri for a couple of days before I come back for Daddy’s actual birthday. His birthday is the core reason that I take this trip around the first week of October each year.

Anyway, the other thing about this particular trip is that I will have intermittent connectivity. I had intended to look into one of the wireless services, but got slammed with several tasks that interfered with me doing that. I had one of those once with our cell carrier and as it turned out, their coverage was not as complete as we thought and I terminated the service in somewhat of a fit of pique because of the way it was handled. Now, there can be a sense of liberation in “being unplugged”, although for this particular trip, that won’t be true. I do, however, have the proof manuscript for Small Town Haven (which apparently is available for pre-publication order) http://amzn.to/1dLmN8C and I will have it ready to send back to the publisher by the end of the trip. They are pushing for a late October release.

So, off I go and if my posts are delayed a bit, I’ll catch up.

Reflections on Approaching Sixty…..

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Like so many Baby Boomers, my 60th birthday is closing in rapidly, and I think that everyone has moments of reflections at this point. I can honestly say that I’ve never felt angst at these “milestone birthdays”, So far, 30, 40, “the big 50” didn’t bring any sense of trepidation and as I indicated in the last post, growing older doesn’t bother me. Granted, to paraphrase the line from the movie, “Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood,” when the “sisters” were looking through an old album, “Oh, to have the thighs I had at 30 and know what I know now.”

Life is a trade-off in most ways. The, “with age comes wisdom” (or more accurately, with age can come wisdom), is a trade-off for the younger body, smooth skin, and greater physical capability. It was the primordial defense against no longer being useful to the tribe, and in many cultures, age is still respected. That entire line of thought, however, is not the point of this post. Perhaps part of why I am comfortable with age is that I know so many wonderfully strong women in their 70s, 80s, and even 90s. In fact, one of these days in a later post, I’ll talk about a couple of those 90+-years olds who are my role models. Anyway, at the moment, I am heavily involved in a project that will last about another week and then I think I will take some time around the house. Between books and other projects, I really feel that I have allowed things to build up and it’s time to get organized again. Now, speaking of sense of trepidation. That’s what hubby tends to experience every time I say, “get organized around the house.”

In Praise of Girlfriends…..

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I want to be careful here and not get into a guy-buddy and girlfriend comparison because I don’t genuinely understand how much guys need those buddy relationships. Girlfriends – now that’s a different matter. We do. It’s that simple. When we’re lucky we have that best friend or a few very close friends in the same town, maybe occasionally on the same block or next door. In other cases, due to a variety of reasons, the geography of those relationships become stretched out and physically inconvenient. The physical separation, however, doesn’t dilute the strength of the friendship, merely the ability to dash out and have lunch or sit down for the glass of wine/cup of coffee.

The ability to have those all-important conversations, to share the emotions that we do doesn’t change and we, who are sisters in spirit if not in blood, can pick right up with a line of thought whether it’s been a day or two years since we were last together. There are many reasons why this is true and I can’t begin to imagine the volume it would require to take everything that has been written about this and store it in one place. The Library of Congress might have enough space. In reality, my trip to DC this time was yes, seeing the kids and watching our son perform in a new venue. But as much as it was that, it was also visiting with some girlfriends that mean a great deal to me. So, ladies, everyone out there who has maybe not had a chance to speak with a friend like that lately, grab the phone and give them a call.