Serious Content Alert! As I have written in previous posts, I feel strongly that almost every Baby Boomer needs a copy of Your Room at the End: Thoughts About Aging We’d Rather Avoid for three reasons – to face our parents or other loved one’s aging, to face our own aging, and to think of those things that we must discuss with our adult children or younger individuals who are likely to be a part of our aging when the time comes that we can no longer live as independently as we would like to. No matter how rationally we try to approach this subject, if we are being truly honest with ourselves, we just don’t see that we’re going to become that infirmed old person who can’t manage. Somehow, someway, that isn’t going to happen to us and we are almost as reluctant to realize it is happening to our parent/parents. It usually manifests in a medical emergency first, although it might be an unsettling memory lapse or bout of extreme confusion. That call from the neighbor, the emergency room, or perhaps the individual sets your heart to racing and your brain into high gear. Once the immediate crisis is passed, you may still be able to hope that “all will return to normal” until the doctor gives you the real news. “Not yet,” is what most of us think, “it isn’t time yet for this. I/we haven’t made the arrangements that we need to.”

Now, there are lots of people who have done some preparation – have someone lined up for when they can no longer drive, have looked into alternate living options, or in-home care that might be available and affordable; all actions that can then be set into motion fairly quickly. Those are good things to do. What you probably aren’t prepared for is the emotional assault and the extraordinary amount of your time that is about to be consumed for what could be months or years. Even if there is cheerful agreement of moving into an independent or assisted living facility or having in-home care, someone will have to serve as an advocate for an incredible number of things and there are likely to be many, many trips to emergency rooms. The reason for that is because once someone enters into as assisted living category, the body and perhaps mind are already experiencing difficulties and those problems will increase. Also, the individuals charged with caring will almost always err on the side of caution, not wanting to be accused of negligence if a borderline situation worsens. The other time-consuming reality is that it is a major life adjustment and that usually causes at least some degree of emotional turmoil for everyone. There may well be a need for constant reassurance or a repetitive longing for the independence that has been lost. Unless you are in a special set of circumstances, these new tasks will be layered on top of obligations that you already have and finding a way to juggle them is not easy. It is important to understand that among the arrangements to be made is to have a “venting outlet” of some sort for everyone who is coping with this new stage of life. Frustration will set in and having the means to deal with it is incredibly important.