It was another of those interesting lunchtime conversations where yes, a glass (or two) of wine was involved. It had to do with an incident that had occurred with my lunch companion involving another individual who has an abrasive personality and is prone (allegedly) to holding grudges. That set into motion the discussion about what is the difference in simply disliking another person (for whatever reason) and holding a grudge. After all, if you don’t like a person, there is normally a root cause, and does that root cause then mean that you are holding a grudge? We tossed that around for a bit and came to the conclusion that no, holding a grudge was a special type of reaction.

After all, there are simply personalities that you don’t like, although you can’t always clearly define why. (The fairness of that response is not in question here.) In other cases, an individual may have done you harm to some degree and that is why you don’t like that person. If that is the case, and if you have made that known, attempted to rectify the situation, and been rebuffed, then not liking that person is not the same as holding a grudge. If, on the other hand, the individual is unaware of having wronged you in whatever manner, you refuse to confront the issue, and you seek to “get even” at some point, that is holding a grudge. Having confronted an issue, being unsatisfied with the outcome, and continuing to dislike the other person is a bit “mushier”. Maybe an apology wasn’t extended, or maybe you perceived it as not sincere. Okay, then disliking the person is understandable – it is when you hope for an opportunity to “get even” that the question of holding a grudge comes in. And perhaps, more importantly, if you get and take an opportunity to “get even”, do you consider the matter settled, or do you seek yet another opportunity? This is where we determined you have crossed the line into active grudge-holding. Of course, if we’d had another glass of wine, perhaps we would have come to a different conclusion. Thoughts on this one?