Accomodating,Acquiesing, and Doormat………

Let’s be real here – most of us say “Yes” at times when we want to say “No” for a variety of reasons. We’re accommodating someone because it isn’t terribly inconvenient or because there could be something beneficial in it at some point or because you are caught in a weak moment. We acquiesce at times because there can be that one person with such “puppy dog eyes”, the plea, or whatever other “guilt button” is pushed to make you feel like a total jerk if you say no. The problem can arise when saying “Yes” when you want to say “No” becomes such a habit that everyone begins to assume you will agree and makes their plans based upon the belief that you can be depended on without giving it a second thought. Worse is if you say “Yes” only because your think “they” won’t  like you any more if you say no. Therein lies the difference and while it may seem to be a subtle difference, it is important to know the difference. I’ve posted before about hating to turn people down (well, most people) and that has definitely stretched me to my limits upon occasion. (My husband and I differ on how often that happens, but it is my post, so I can say, “only occasionally” with a straight face.) For me, I can be seriously overloaded for about two months at a time and manage, but if it starts to creep beyond that, the stress level escalates exponentially and that’s when I know that I have to get back in control again. I have learned this through a difficult process and accept it as the reality that it is. I only need about a week of “breathing room” and I can go back to saying “yes” more often than perhaps I should, but not more than I can cope with. What say you, readers? Do you have a specific “straw and camel’s back” criteria or does it depend on the situation?

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2 comments on “Accomodating,Acquiesing, and Doormat………

  1. susanne on said:

    Well thank you for providing me with a forum to go on a rant about this…I had a Japanese friend come to visit me for Songkran Festival, and he knew it was going to be Songkran and chose to come at that specific time…and then he refused to participate in Songkran activities! I was so angry it took me weeks to get over it…and I ended up hating the man, even though we’ve known each other for decades. And then I remembered that years ago a friend had a Japanese guest at her house for Christmas…and she was furious because the guest refused to participate in Christmas activities. At the time I though she was overreacting, …but now I realize how infuriating that would be. I felt like: well thank you very much for coming and ruining Songkran for me…I really appreciate it.

    • Charlie Hudson on said:

      My apologies for the delay in posting – venting is certainly welcome at the Café! What a shame that an event that would have otherwise been enjoyable for you was turned upside down by someone who couldn’t recognize the impact he/she was having.

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