Girlfriends Who Are Like Sisters…..

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We all see the emails that circulate periodically about the importance of girlfriends that goes beyond “let’s do lunch”. In addition to the ones we have a good time with, there are the ones that are so close that we are sisters in spirit if not in blood. You have fun with them, yes, but they are the ones to turn to when you need that shoulder, that understanding for something heartbreaking, or the one you want to share something uplifting with. No matter how much you love your husband/significant other or children (when that applies), real girlfriends are important and the truth is that you won’t have many of them. The balance of who needs whom tends to be equal as you support each other in times of crisis or just intense frustation. They are the ones you can reveal your frailties to, although you don’t always – but the point is that you can.

We are sometimes separated by geography in our mobile society, and one of the great things about the Internet is how much easier connectivity is than it used to be. If you really can’t sleep at 3:00 a.m., or time zones make telephoning impractical, you can send an email or post a message to Facebook. I count myself fortunate in the girlfriends I have that bond with and I cherish those relationships. (You know that I love you, too, Sis!) If your busy life has kept you from telling one of those special girlfriends how much she means to you, maybe you can take a few minutes to call or send a message through whatever means you prefer.

Break the Routine……

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It is so easy to fall into a routine, to realize that an entire week has slipped by, a month, or more. If you commute any distance at all, Lord knows you spend time crawling in traffic and dodging idiot drivers. If you have children at home, there are more obligations that you can count, and if you have parents or elderly relatives that you are helping out with, you may not be able to even stop and think of everything that you’re supposed to be doing. People say, “Have a nice weekend,” and for so many that often consists of taking care of a list of errands – not to mention numerous activites you might be scheduled for. If you own a house, then add in the seemingly endless small and large tasks like seeing about that seeping faucet, replacing the weather stripping on the doors, etc.,.

If this is sounding familiar, when was the last time you stepped away from your routine for just a momentary break? No, I’m not talking about taking a vacation. I mean doing something simple, but different. Maybe take in a matinee, take a stroll through a park. (Okay, it’s winter, so go to a museum or art exhibit.) Look in your local paper and see what low-key events might be available. Small venue performances don’t usually involve crowds and traffic jams. Try for something simpler – find a spot where you can watch a sunset or go outside in the dark and gaze at the stars. Isn’t this rather trite? Yes, but really, it’s lovely when pink, purple, gold and red mingle in the sky. Glittering stars against a black sky are beautiful too. Okay, it’s winter. Bundle up and have a hot beverage with you or afterwards. If an overcast sky negates those possibilities - think about turning off the television (yes, you can DVR or TIVO) and play a card or board game. If you like to cook, break out a cookbook and select an entire meal to do from the cookbook or go on-line if you have a celebrity chef you like and get the recipes.

If money isn’t an issue, pick a new restaurant that you’ve been meaning to try, or high end hotels frequently have reduced weekend rates. Have a massage  and/or beauty treatment. That might be more complicated than you want to deal with, but it can be a break in your routine.

Something else? See if there is a project looking for volunteers – a number of organizations schedule cleanups or other one-two day projects that need extra hands. I understand not having enough time to get things done – believe me, I do. And I also know that sometimes stepping away – even if just for a short time, can help you catch your breath.

An Interesting Movie Premise….

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This isn’t categorized as Favorite Movie because I’m not certain that I feel that way about “The Adjustment Bureau”, but it does raise an interesting question. Actually, the thriller starring Matt Damon (and I don’t know the female lead) deals with two essential themes. The first is about free will and fate which I am not going to discuss. The other is about sacrificing material wealth for love and the unknown. By the way, this is one of those movies that you have to watch the beginning very carefully in order to follow the middle and end.

I don’t want to spoil the movie for anyone, but it raises the question of how much certainty do we want in our lives? If you were given the opportunity to choose and one path would lead you to genuine fame and fortune with the unknown possibility of finding a great love along the way, or the other path would allow you to be with someone that you love, but the material side was an unknown, which would you opt for? And please, don’t automatically say, “Oh, love of course.” That might be your actual choice, but in this hypothetical case, choosing the material path does  not necessarily mean that you won’t find the great love. On the other hand, choosing the path of being with someone you love also doesn’t mean that you won’t find material success. So, what are your thoughts on this one?

Both Sides of Valentine’s Day……

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I have been on both sides of Valentine’s Day – that wonderful romantic feeling with flowers delivered to my office, a lovely dinner out somewhere, etc.,. and at other times it has been the, “Well, here you are alone while the rest of your friends have someone to celebrate with” situation. Granted, as we enter into our 23rd year of marriage, it has been a long time since I felt left out at Valentine’s Day, but those pangs have not disappeared from my memory.

The simple truth is that Valentine’s Day is another one of those marketing targets and as an unabashed capitalist, I’m okay with that part. Yes, advertisers make it seem as if everyone on the planet should be exchanging expressions of love – that’s what marketers do. By the way guys, if you are on a tight budget, let me tell you that a single rose given with a card is every bit as romantic as a bouquet that you can’t really afford. If the girl/woman you’re trying to impress needs the big bouquet instead, the relationship has other problems. But back to the point of feeling down at Valentine’s Day. This is where having girlfriends can come through for you. Take in something artsy – an exhibit, a concert, a lecture. Hit a cutesy cafe instead of a restaurant offering that special dinner for two. No girlfriends available? If you want to stay home – do a favorite take-out or how about experimenting with a recipe that you’ve been meaning to try? Make it a movie night, although instead of a romantic comedy, maybe something poignant like “Searching for Bobby Fischer”, “Tuesdays with Morrie”, or a film noir - ”Body Heat”, “Double Indemnity” and so forth. Feel like going out? If you have the slightest inclination toward sports, do a Sports Bar and yes, sit at the bar and eat. Talk will swirl around you and none of it is likey to be about personal relationships. If you have an Irish pub nearby, that’s good, too. If anyone understands being alone at Valentine’s Day, it’s the lyrical Irish.

And here comes the inevitable cliche – go ahead and love yourself at Valentine’s Day. It counts, my friend, it counts for a great deal.

“Robin Gets Another Shot”…….

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I don’t pretend that Mel Brooks movies are meant for anything except amusement. I don’t look for deep meaning and I do allow myself to guffaw. There are the times though when his humor provides great one or two-liners to accept as part of your personal philosophy and a scene from “Robin Hood Men in Tights” falls into that category. It carries with it two aspects that help me in those situations where I’ve made mistakes that bother me.

The scene in the movie is where Prince John declares an archery contest knowing that Robin Hood can’t possibly resist making an appearance despite everyone knowing it is a trap. Prince John’s champion shoots his arrow and Robin confidently shoots his arrow and Gasp!, doesn’t do as well.  The characters express suprise, and in typical Brooks’ fashion, they break character as they determine that this just can’t be right. “Check the script,” someone says and they all pull out their scripts, thumb through, and discover that, “Ah yes, Robin gets another shot. Robin get another shot!” The movie resumes with the rest of Brooks’ comical treatment of the Robin Hood myth.

There are all sorts of occasions when a do-over,  or “Robin getting another shot”, is a viable option. You may feel stupid for a mistake, or careless, but in the end, it isn’t a big deal – you can take another shot. The problem though is that you don’t always get to write the script and the script doesn’t always work in your favor. Not long after the movie, that became an expression between my husband and me. If there is an outcome I don’t care for, I may say, “Well, let me check the script.” While no, I don’t do this for serious matters, there are definitely times when a little tongue-in-cheek perspective is what I actually need. And in cases like that, I don’t always get “another shot”. Sometimes I have to admit that the metaphorical script does not have me covered, the mistake was something that I can’t “do over”, and I have to make apologies as appropriate. I genuinely dislike making mistakes of substance and l am one of those people who often dwell on a mistake longer than I should. But I’m working on it – I really am.

 

When a Hammer is Like a Pair of Pumps……

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No, this isn’t as odd at it sounds. Men and women are different in many aspects and when you enter into a relationship – especially a long term one be it marriage or otherwise, you find ways to navigate through things like men channel surfing at lightening speed, and their lack of comprehension of the idea of “clutter”. I’m not even going to talk about the toilet seat up or down issue. My husband, like thousands of men, was grateful when the entire “Mars and Venus” came into publication because he had long thought that women were indeed another species. Way back when we married and he became a truly wonderful stepdad, my eight-year-old son was bemoaning losing the affection of a pretty little classmate and he said something along the lines of maybe when he got older he would understand girls. My husband assured him that was not a goal that he needed to set for himself.

Anyway, my point to this post is about tools. Oh  sure, you know hammers, screwdrivers, and perhaps drills, but routers and rachets might not be in your vocabulary. If you’re a fan of cable home improvement shows, you see that a lot of women are entering into this field and can strap on a toolbelt with the best of them, yet for most of us, we stand mystified if we should happen to find ourselves in the actual hardware section of a store. What on earth is all this stuff and more importantly, why does my husband need so much of it?

One day, as I wasn’t objecting to the purchase of whatever the item was, merely expressing my puzzlement as to it since I thought he already had something similar, my husbdand sighed. “Look, the problem is that women do not understand tools. Think of them like shoes. I mean, why do you need all those  different types of black shoes? Or the same pair in more than one color? What it comes down to is that a guy can never have too many tools. If you’ve got the space to put them, you can always find something you need.”

Ah, now that’s a comparison that most women can identify with. This also explains why a guy can spend an incredible amount of time wandering through the aisles of those big stores when he’s usually a get-in-get-what-you-need-and-get-out kind of shopper. Think of how you feel when you go into a shoe warehouse. It is apparently the same kind of sensation. And this is why a hammer can be like a pair of pumps.

 

What Ayn Rand Gave To Me…..

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I try to stay away from politics and religion as such in this blog, but where personal philosophy crosses over can sometimes get muddled. And as I explain in the Welcome Page, Charlie’s Corner Cafe is a place where you can slip in for a short time or linger for as long as you like – it’s a 24-hour kind of place. Depending on your age, it may have been a while since you sat around with your preferred beverage and some good friends discussing philosophy. It was Ayn Rand’s birthday yesterday and no, I am not a member of the institute, but I also want to acknowledge both what an influence Atlas Shrugged was on my life and express my personal opinion that Ayn Rand (like Abraham Maslow) is often misunderstood in an attempt to “sound bite” them. That discussion, however, is way too lengthy for this post.

The thing is this – I discovered Atlas Shrugged when I was 18 (could have been 19) and even as a reader, I was initially daunted by the 1000+ pages. In truth, the individual who suggested that I read the book had been more intrigued by the intricacy of the book than by the philosophy and so I wasn’t prepared for what I was to find. At that stage of my life, I was emotionally roiling with rebellion against the kind of person that I was supposed to be. For anyone who has grown up in a small town (or a neighborhood that might as well be a small town), you know exactly what I mean when I say that having someone to help me with my frustration was difficult. Within the pages of Atlas Shrugged, however, I found that voice of individualism that I was aching for. I was a literature person mind you with a standard, although Eurocentric, grounding from Sophocles to Steinbeck. Existentialsim held a certain allure and yes, I read Jean-Paul Sartre in French, but did do Simone DeBeauvior in English. It was Rand though who touched me most, who provided me with that, “Yes, I am not alone in these thoughts”, moment that can be so crucial to forming one’s philosophical outlook. Well, laying the foundation, because I am not about to claim a fully formed outlook at that age. Needless to say, I followed up as quickly as I could with her other works and to these day I can’t recall how many copies of Atlas Shrugged I gave as gifts, or how many times I’ve read the book. (No, I haven’t seen the movie yet and am reluctant to do so since I’m unsure of how well it translated to screen.)

Notwithstanding some of the simplistic aspects of a book written in 1957, if you have never read Atlas Shrugged, I would urge you to do so. If you haven’t read it for several years, it might be time to brush it off, or get it in audio format if that is better for you. By the way, deep into the book there is a 20+ page speech delivered by a charcacter and it was probably my 5th or 6th reading of the book before I tackled that entire thing.

So, belated Happy Birthday Ayn Rand, and thank you for the role that you played in my life.

Another Simple Act of Civility…..

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Let us for the moment forget that there are laws against littering and let’s just talk about the ordinary, everyday incivility of it. Notwithstanding the fact that I still need to drop quite a few pounds, I do walk between 3-5 days a week. We live in a nice neighborhood and it is bordered by busy streets on three sides. We also have four schools within close proximity. Our neighborhood association has responsive crews that pick up litter along these bordering streets as well as do the maintenance on the common grounds. However, the fact that they pick up litter in addition to performing landscape care doesn’t mean that there should be litter to be picked up. Oh sure, items here and there get loose and blow about. Juice boxes, plastic glasses, empty fast food bags, beer bottles tossed onto the sidewalk or in the grass are not occasional items – sadly, they are something that I see every time. When we look around and ask where our civility has gone, this is yet another incredibly simple thing that we can control, something we can emphasize to our children. I agree that if you don’t see your child litter, then you may never know, but hey, that’s one of the easiest subjects to talk to your kids about. We see it all around and it is something you can point out.

Again, just as with my post about returning shopping carts, we do have far larger problems in today’s world than litter. On the other hand,  no one other than the person who litters is responsible for that action – it is a conscious choice born of disregard for our surroundings. I agree that trash cans aren’t always convenient, but that’s really a pretty thin excuse. If you are in a situation where you can talk to kids about this, or chastise an adult if you know one with this terrible habit, then please do so. It may be a small thing, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t important.

Jimmy, One More Time…..

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It has actually been less than a year since the last Florida Jimmy Buffett concert, but that’s just fine. For those who have never attended a Jimmy Buffett concert, let me explain that it is concert only by definition – in reality it is a shared experience. Tailgate parties begin at whatever point the designated venue allows it. Many a vehicle sports decorations and I’m not just talking about a couple of slogans in washable paint. Cut outs of sharks, giant inflatable cheeseburgers, and a wide variety of tropical themed items are all to be seen. As for attendees, that can be even more creative than what you see on the vehicles. I have to admit though, that for all the men in grass skirts and coconut bras we’ve seen, last night was the first time we saw a guy dressed up as a flamingo. Very pink by the way – lawn ornament pink and it was definitely creative. The hats are terrific though and one of these days I really am going to get my husband a straw one and decorate it with parrots, sharks, and so forth – all acceptable Parrothead accoutrements. Parrothead? Yes, the most widely used term for a true Buffet fan.

Jimmy and the Coral Reefer band have now been touring to where they have two, and sometimes, three generations of fans in the audience and last night was no exception. Jimmy has cut back some on his tour dates and each time we go to a concert we understand that there might not be many more. As he says, they have the greatest job in the world and part of what makes Jimmy so memorable is the sheer affection for the fans he and the band display. For the two+ hours of each concert, it is cheering, clapping, dancing at your seat, lip syncing and/or singing out the lyrics. This year’s tour includes many of his really old songs, and as he has said in interviews, there are just certain ones that he must play. From ballads such as “Son of a Sailor” to the whimsy of, “A Pencil Thin Moustache”, we left, as always, glad that we’d had the chance to see Jimmy perform one more time. Here’s hoping that it doesn’t stop anytime soon.

Lobster Benedict and More in St Croix……

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When it comes to dining, St Croix is like many of the islands in that restaurants of all types tend to be expensive, as are the grocery stores. It’s one of the realities of having to ship in so many items. With that said, most places also provide large portions (especially when it comes to pasta), so if you have the ability to take and use leftovers, you can often have a lunch-size portion to take away. Aside from the wonderful diving and other beauty of St Croix, they have some terrific beach bars, a lot of very good restaurants, and some great special occasion places. The ones I highlight in this post are just a sampling of what you can choose from. Meals will range from good to superb.

One word of caution for those who may not be familiar with the island. A lot of restaurants in St Croix have significant parts of their dining room covered, but are open-air with no full exterior walls; particularly those with water or garden views. This is wonderful except during times of driving rain when there may literally be no tables that can be kept dry. On the other hand, rain like this doesn’t usually last long, so if you can be patient and huddle in a dry spot, the odds are the rain will quickly pass, the experienced staff will hustle about wiping away the water, and everyone can resume eating. The next point is while the beach bars tend toward burgers, sandwiches, wings, nachos, etc., each one tends to also have a particular specialty and/or distinct spices they use. One might offer Mexican food, another homemade pizza, another breakfast as well as lunch and dinner. The somewhat ramshackle-looking beach bars that are our favorites for post-diving don’t blink an eye when you come with a damp swim suit on, although they do prefer you not stroll in with a dripping wet suit. However, standing at the edge of the bar and ordering a drink to have outside while in a wet suit is usually okay. My point is that watersports and other outdoor activities are at the heart of St Croix’s tourism and the beach bars and casual dining are set up to accommodate you with delicious food as part of these activities. In some cases, beach bars combine this come-as-you-are welcome with upscale choices and make it work with brunch items like Lobster Benedict. The current Eat at Cane Bay has perfected this approach and we’ve been visiting this establishment as it has passed through multiple hands. In fact we have been going to the island for so long that we often don’t have time to visit all our favorites – we had to miss Off-the-Wall during this last trip and Bogey’s, although we did make it to Coconuts on the Beach in Fredericksted. As always, places have changes hands and we weren’t able to check out any of the new ones, but will put them on the list for the next visit.

We did make it to Salud Bistro which defies all logic for having a restaurant in a tropical setting. It, too, has changed ownership since it was opened, but has maintained the same concept. It sits in a small shopping plaza, a blocky building nowhere near the water or any scenic area. If you didn’t know better,  you would likely pass it by when looking for fine dining. Ah, but step through the door to an interior with rich wall colors, fabric panels, art, and warm wood; the decor a perfect complement to the Mediterranean, Mid-Eastern fusion of flavors and dishes. Nothing is done plainly here, although I am certain the chef would accommodate any requests. My husband decided on the duck and lamb with herbed couscous and eggplant puree while I had the steak Marsala and smoky polenta. Oh yes, it was as delicious as it sounds.

On a night when we were planning to stay in and enjoy leftovers, friends invited us to Savant, one of the longtime restaurants not far from the fort in Christiansted; another special occasion type place. Also not on the water, but in an old building with a beautiful courtyard complete with flowering tropical plants. Let’s see, mine was a wonderful chicken and fettuccine in a superb basil cream sauce with roasted onions and peppers, my husband had pork in a tamarind glaze, and I can’t recall exactly what the others had. We were all too full to try dessert, although a lovely chocolate thing was delivered to a couple at a nearby table.

We also missed going to the Christiansted Brew Pub, the only microbrewery on the island, but I may find a way to do a special post about it one of these days. So when you go to St Croix, rest assured that you will not lack for places to dine.